emotions running wild.

so just a quick post to update you all on my adventure.
i have arrived in antibes,where i will be living for the next 11 months.
it is beautiful, the blue sky and palm trees. so far i am very impressed.

but at the same time, i have so many mixed emotions.
i'm happy to be here. but it feels like a holiday.
i'm sad to have left my man. my family. my friends. i had a little break down just now after seeing my boyfriend on skype. i'm still emotional, it's so hard. since we knew i was coming here, we saw each other almost every day, which was so rare for us because of the distance. but it was amazing, it was perfect. we loved every minute, and now suddenly it's all hit me. i won't be seeing him again in the flesh for three weeks.
he's in england, i'm in france.
skype, it's not the same. i can't feel his hand in mine, our fingers so perfectly folded. i can't see the look in his eyes when we say bye. i can't call him at any minute of the day to say hello. i can't smell his scent when he's gone.
all of these things, they're getting to me. 
it's only a year, it's only a year. if i live til sixty or seventy, what's a year?
a year is a sacrifice of true love. that's how i feel right now.
it couldn't have come at a worse time, we had sorted out all of our differences and overcome any flaws, our relationship is at it's peak, and now i've left, off to a different country for a year.
am i a bad person?
i feel like it.

but this is an adventure, not just for me but for us both. he'll have holidays, we'll grow stronger. 
times will get tough, that's inevitable, but i'll stay strong for him.
the man of my dreams.

1 comment:

  1. yes, stay strong. there comes a point in your life where you decide to do things mainly for yourself and you did this for mainly for you, right? if your relationship is strong, you will be able to face any obstacle that comes your way :) good luck!