emotions running wild.

so just a quick post to update you all on my adventure.
i have arrived in antibes,where i will be living for the next 11 months.
it is beautiful, the blue sky and palm trees. so far i am very impressed.

but at the same time, i have so many mixed emotions.
i'm happy to be here. but it feels like a holiday.
i'm sad to have left my man. my family. my friends. i had a little break down just now after seeing my boyfriend on skype. i'm still emotional, it's so hard. since we knew i was coming here, we saw each other almost every day, which was so rare for us because of the distance. but it was amazing, it was perfect. we loved every minute, and now suddenly it's all hit me. i won't be seeing him again in the flesh for three weeks.
he's in england, i'm in france.
skype, it's not the same. i can't feel his hand in mine, our fingers so perfectly folded. i can't see the look in his eyes when we say bye. i can't call him at any minute of the day to say hello. i can't smell his scent when he's gone.
all of these things, they're getting to me. 
it's only a year, it's only a year. if i live til sixty or seventy, what's a year?
a year is a sacrifice of true love. that's how i feel right now.
it couldn't have come at a worse time, we had sorted out all of our differences and overcome any flaws, our relationship is at it's peak, and now i've left, off to a different country for a year.
am i a bad person?
i feel like it.

but this is an adventure, not just for me but for us both. he'll have holidays, we'll grow stronger. 
times will get tough, that's inevitable, but i'll stay strong for him.
the man of my dreams.


this is my time.

the time is so almost here. it's almost time for me to leave.
destination: antibes, france.
my plane leaves at 6am on monday morning, it's all happening so fast. i got this job about 4 weeks ago, it took about 2 weeks to sort out a start date etc, now suddenly it's here.
i start in one week, next friday.
i leave in three days.
i'm busy trying to pack up my whole life into 40kg. i've started, but don't dare weigh it.
afterall, i am moving there. like i'm not just seriously overpacking for a holiday. it's serious stuff. 

i've spent my last week here with my friends, also a lot of time with my boyfriend, and obviously my family.
it's so hard. but it's weird, it's not actually properly hit me that i'm going...and not coming back for a year. a whole year. 2011. sounds so far away, it's only four months away. september 2011. wow. twelve months, one year, fifty two weeks. ahhhhh.

i'm trying to work out what i'll miss the most.
the comforts of my own home? no, i've been at uni this year anyway.
mummys cooking? probably not, although there's nothing like it.
my boyfriend? ...we don't talk about that.
doing what i want, when i want? nah, i guess i'm going out into the real world.
english food? mmm fish and chips. wow. i'll miss that.
my family? well they'll come visit.
friends? also, i hope they will come out.
speaking english? yeah, didn't even think about that one.

wow, i have so many more things in my head. i'll miss it all.
but, looking at it from a positive light, i'm going on a new adventure, a life experience. something that will help me to mature so much and give me so many new experiences. i will meet new people and add to my list of friends. i will experience a new part of the world and get an insight into working life. i will be able to speak fluent french. i will get to taste proper french food, crepes for breakfast. see the french fashion. shop in amazing shops. driving on the wrong side of the road.
now it's all going to be okay. everything will be fine and i will be able to share my experiences from over there.

so hopefully not, but maybe my last post from this side of the channel.
if so,
speak to you from the other side.

lots of english love,


what is love?

what is it? what is the definition?

- noun
1.  a profoundly, tender, passionate affection for another person.
2.  a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection as for a parent, child, or friend.
3.  sexual passion or desire.

does this do it justice? how do you feel when you're in love?
surely there is no common definition and each person experiences it differently and perceives it with a different meaning. maybe very slightly different, but still different. 

so for me, what is love.
love is the feeling of belonging and the sharing of intimate moments. be it with a friend or with a boy, sharing special thoughts or having a special connection. all friendships are different, all relationships are different, but there is one important common denominator; love. 
i love my friends, i love my boyfriend, i love my brothers. i love them all differently so it's hard to define the word. 
the friend love, that's unique to each friend. they all make me smile and make me laugh, some more than others, some i have a closer bond with but i love each one of them. 
the boyfriend love, that's unreal. it's a feeling like i'm up in the clouds and i'm untouchable. nothing can hurt me when he's around, or even when he's not, he's still mine, the love is still there.
the brotherly love, they're both equal to me, my two big brothers. they both mean the world to me, but they are both so different, so does that make the love i have for each of them different?

i don't understand it all,
all i know is that with my boyfriend, i am in love. and i love it.



i tend not to wear too much make-up unless i'm going out.
i like there to be a difference in my face between day & night.

so i just want to show you my general day-time face, and explain. but bear in mind that these photos were just found among my friend's photography on my camera..so i was unaware of them!

So here it is, my everyday look.
& my mini basket of make-up essentials.

the base: Nivea tinted moisturiser in 'natural'
foundation (which i only use to replace concealer): Estée Lauder - Double Wear in 'pale almond'
the cheeks: I start with the pink blusher at the top of my cheek bones & then use my MAC Bronzer over it and down to my cheeks to create a bronzed colour.
the eyes: very simple, I only use a Kohl eyeliner to line my eyes, underneath and sometimes a little on top.

I don't use mascara for two reasons, firstly I have very sensitive eyes and a lot of eye products bring me out in rashes, and secondly for the same reason that I like to have two looks, one for the daytime, and one for the night. and personally, I think it's your eyes that ultimately define your look.

my soulmate.

i have a very special person in my life that i try not to involve in my blogs, but inevitably he is a part of my life so sometimes i can't help it. if you haven't guessed, this person is my man. my boyfriend. 
& this weekend is a special time for us too, as it's our 2 year 'anniversary', so i just wanted to write about my beautiful other half.

he makes me happy, he deserves a post. :-)
so i'm going to quickly tell you all a bit about us so you can understand..

we live about an hour apart, but we always try to see each other as often as we can. now i know i'm moving to france next week, we're trying to make the most of every minute we have together. it's so hard, knowing i'm leaving for a whole year. but we're growing together, getting happier & happier so i know that everything will work out for the best. it's going to be hard, i know that, but hopefully the fact i'll be busy all the time will help ease the pain.
he's just turned 30, wow. i'm 19. wow again.... on paper i know it looks terrible, but scroll down, see the photos... & he doesn't look it, does he!?

he makes me smile, he makes me laugh, sometimes he makes me sad but i can never stay mad. the happiness overrides each time, because i know that he is mine. times get hard and things get tough, but the love we share is always enough. we dance, we play and sometimes we fight, but i always know that he's Mr Right. 

i'm in love, and i love it.

here we are, Eddie & me. Eddie & Laurie, soulmates.


captured the moments.

I've not managed to do a new post for a few days, as I've been busy. Here's a mini photo diary of what I've been doing:


out of the ordinary.

your eyes aren't lying.
it is Kate Hudson.
& no, I can't believe it either.

it just kind of happened.
I was lucky enough to see Muse again this weekend at Wembley in London. I'd heard Kate Hudson was there (seeing as she's dating the lead singer, I wasn't surprised but was very excited). 'She's down there in the white vest top' my brother's girlfriend said, pointing to a blonde woman two rows in front of us. 'NO WAY IT'S ACTUALLY HER' I screamed into my boyfriend's ear during a song. 'She's putting her coat on', he said. 'come with me, quick.' I replied.
I ran down to the entrance to our block and she was walking towards me. I grabbed her hand & she said something to me, but caught up in the moment, I didn't quite catch it. I asked her to smile for a photo, and here it is.
It made my night.

The concert was amazing, I met one of my favourite Hollywood A-listers, what more could a girl possibly want? 


the day that changed the world.

tomorrow is Saturday. but tomorrow isn't just any Saturday. this Saturday is September the eleventh. tomorrow will mark the ninth year of the tragic terror attacks in New York City & Washington State. as i'm going to be busy tomorrow, i wanted to write a post on it tonight so that everybody is aware of the day.
it was a tragedy that changed the entire world. i remember where i was that day. i came home from one of my first days back at school, telling my mum how upset i was that my friend Maddy was moving back to her home in America the next day. mum was lying in her bed when i was telling her this, then we turned on the TV to watch neighbours, but it wasn't on. it was the news, telling us about the horrific events. i could hardly believe what i was seeing, the heartbreaking images coming from the city that we had visited only a week before. we'd spent a week of our summer holidays in New York City that year, and we got home on September 3rd 2001. it was so shocking, even to me, just a child at the time. but at 10 years old, i understood the extent of the tragedy. it was heartbreaking, and of course I was worrying about my friend that was due to fly to America the following day. but as we flicked through the channels, we saw that it had taken over every channel and normal TV was rightly interrupted. 

The day that changed the world. September 11th 2001. thousands of lives were lost and millions of families were torn apart. people were affected all over the world, both directly and indirectly. worlds were shattered that day and nine years on, worlds are still shattered. all those little children that lost their mummys and daddys, husbands who lost their wives and vice versa, parents who witnessed their children's death and the thousands who lost friends and relatives. these people have had to suffer and mourn the loss of loved ones because of a horrific terror attack. the lives that were taken will never be forgotten. to me, they are all heros. every single one of the lives that was lost, each one of them is a hero. i'm sure it's the same for the whole world. such innocent lives, taken so horrifically. 
nine years on, it is all running through my head with such vivid memories, almost like it only happened last week. the time has passed so quickly, but in that time, all those lives haven't been brought back. only the beautiful memories that their familes and friends shared live on. 
All of the lost lives will be forever remembered and the broken families will always be in our hearts, everywhere around the world, we are thinking of them. 

Please take one minute out of your day tomorrow, just sixty seconds, to remember the thousands of innocent lives that were taken on this day, 9 years ago. Not only the taken lives, but the lives that were ruined through injuries from the attacks and the heroes who helped during the devastating time that have been left with life-changing injuries and disabilities.

concrete jungle where dreams are made of, new york city.

and the way we all wish it still looked:

Rest in Peace all 2,977 of you.


london town.

just chilling near leicester square earlier this summer.

my look
purple top: Topshop.
silver pendant necklace: Topshop
cream beaded necklace: vintage

underneath the purple top, I wore a peach dress, also Topshop, and black leggings.

french manicures.

these were done in a salon.

these i did myself.

i love french manicures, they're so simple yet somehow they look sophisticated. i rarely leave my nails bare since i've learnt how to do a nice french. 


the famous stripes.

just something I threw on to go meet a friend. the famous black & white striped top that everybody has some variation of & some dark blue jeans, turned up at the bottom.
the 'belt' is just a piece of rope, a very handy accessory to have. I wear it as a belt, sometimes in my hair, sometimes as a necklace. versatility is a great factor for an accessory, especially when it's as simple as a piece of rope!

my look for today.

a shock photograph, i looked back on my camera after a day with my friends and saw this picture. thought i'd upload it to show you my favourite cardigan of the moment. it's vintage, it seems like we're all loving vintage clothes at the moment, and why not, hey? the scarf brings a bit of pattern to this outfit, that's borrowed from a friend, but it's a Topshop special.
I paired these two items with a simple cream t shirt & a grey skirt, and to keep it simple I just added some black tights. & then worn with my River Island boots that I've done a previous post on. I hope you like this look, but whatever you think, please leave me comments because I'm new to this whole blogging thing & really value your lovely opinions.xo

he's got style.

that's my boyfriend. at a rough guess, i'm going to say he has more shoes than me. not normal. but his newest pair are amazing, i fell in love with them. 

this is them, his new KG's. 
they're great because they're smart enough to wear to a formal event, but also can be dressed down with jeans. he's a clever boy, with nice shoes.


another new love.

my brown vintage handbag.


So I'd been feeling a bit left out of the whole festival thing this summer. it had never occurred to me that maybe i'd really enjoy it, but as Radio 1 seems to be the best station in my car, I listen to it every time I drive and they never stop talking about the festivals. Anyway, lucky for me, my boyfriend's best friend happens to be the manager for Muse, so we get special treatment. it was this saturday at old trafford cricket club, and the first support act was on at 4.45, so in a way it was kind of like a mini festival, minus all the camping and the mud. but it was amazing to see, being up on the balcony, we could see all the fans filling up throughout the afternoon and into the night. & when Muse came on at about 8.30, there was absolutely no floor visable, it was just about light enough for us to see the thousands of people that had come together for one reason, love of three musicians. 
The show was incredible, the support acts were great - starting with Pulled apart by Horses, then Band of Skulls, the Editors and finally.. Muse themself. It was amazing, and being up on the VIP balcony was cool too, but in a way, I feel like we missed out a bit on the atmosphere. Although the best part was not having to queue for the toilets!


lucky girl.

my new toy! it was a surprise present from my mum & brother to say well done for getting a job in France. 
So I had a little play with it, & of course, tried to capture my happiness on camera!

big smiles.


my secret obsession.

REDHEADS. i am obsessed.
the Britain's Next Top Model girls above (Susan, left & Amelia, right) know how to show their natural beauty.

Lindsay Lohan is another one with stunning red hair, the colour & style in this photo is just amazing. 

I am so jealous of all redheads, but I know most don't even realise how lucky they are to have such naturally beautiful hair.

advice please, xo

my hair, it's natural here. well the style, it had a bit of colour run through but that's gone now. but i'm bored of the same curls everyday. so sometimes i straighten it, but i don't like that look on me.

it's too flat, even when i try to back-comb it & ruffle it up. but i don't want to change the colour, so i don't know what options i have..
a fringe?

basically, i'm lost & i need your help, please! xo