letters.

this is the man made of letters. it's in Antibes, where I live, overlooking the ocean and the port. it's beautiful, i went there today to take photos because the sun was shining and i wasn't working.

then it got me thinking. letters. letters make words. but the same letters make millions of words, in all different languages. and one letter out of place can really change the meaning of something. yet the same letters can make up two words with completely different, or even opposite meanings. 

it's so powerful. the power of letters, the power of words, speech.

then i read a quote today, and it made sense.

'there comes a time in your life where you have to let go of all the pointless drama and the people who create it, and surround yourself with people who make you laugh so hard that you forget the bad and focus solely on the good. After all, life is too short to be anything but happy.'

                                                        ♥♥♥

loves of the moment.

Topshop

Sex & The City

Louis Vuitton Speedy 30

My Estee Lauder Double Wear

SJP NYC Perfume

Loving this colour, also Abercrombie hoodies.

Christian Louboutin's red soles.

Just a few of the things that I'm loving at the moment. Some of them are way too far-fetched for me, the Louis Vuitton bag, the Louboutin shoes. 

But I'm enjoying dreaming about them anyway.

The Topshop top is gorgeous and really want it, just a bit difficult as I'm in the South of France and seems that the nearest Topshop is quite far away, but no harm in looking.

love love.

xo

my specials.x

I'm back. I have started another blog about my year abroad because my uni asked me to, but i didn't want to put them both together because this one is for me, that one is for my family / friends / uni to read. they don't care about my boyfriend and my emotions or what i'm wearing today or anything.
so that's why i've hardly posted anything in forever!
well, i'm back. i hope. i miss blogging about girly things. instead i am writing about food and sunshine. which okay, i love. but it's nothing like handbags and blusher, or shoes or necklaces. or boys.

so, here goes.
my best friend and her boyfriend have just broken up and it's made me really sad. they were so happy and such a gorgeous couple from the outside. but she said she didn't feel it, so what can you do? it has made me think so much, about friendships and other relationships in general.
one thing i've found recently, this year especially, is that too many people are far too wrapped up in their own lives to care about things that are happening in yours. and that makes me question my friendships. i have so much fun when i'm with my girls, all the time we laugh we have so much fun. but then there's the question of, who's there for me when i need them?
i know who's there for me.

i haven't had an easy time this past year, i've lost three people close to my heart. two grandads and a friend. it has been a rollercoaster, but ultimately i have friends and a boyfriend who help me through. they help me smile and change my train of thoughts when i start to get down.
everybody should have somebody like that, somebody they can lean on and a shoulder to cry on. somebody to make them smile even when they're really low.
i am so thankful for the special ones in my life, always there for me whenever i need somebody.
even now, when i'm across the ocean, in a different country.

sorry for being so deep. sometimes i, just like everybody else, get a bit emotional and find it so easy just to write what i'm thinking and voila. that's exactly what this post is. a mix of everything, a little bit of waffle and a lot of emotions.

lovelove. xo

emotions running wild.

so just a quick post to update you all on my adventure.
i have arrived in antibes,where i will be living for the next 11 months.
it is beautiful, the blue sky and palm trees. so far i am very impressed.


but at the same time, i have so many mixed emotions.
i'm happy to be here. but it feels like a holiday.
i'm sad to have left my man. my family. my friends. i had a little break down just now after seeing my boyfriend on skype. i'm still emotional, it's so hard. since we knew i was coming here, we saw each other almost every day, which was so rare for us because of the distance. but it was amazing, it was perfect. we loved every minute, and now suddenly it's all hit me. i won't be seeing him again in the flesh for three weeks.
he's in england, i'm in france.
skype, it's not the same. i can't feel his hand in mine, our fingers so perfectly folded. i can't see the look in his eyes when we say bye. i can't call him at any minute of the day to say hello. i can't smell his scent when he's gone.
all of these things, they're getting to me. 
it's only a year, it's only a year. if i live til sixty or seventy, what's a year?
a year is a sacrifice of true love. that's how i feel right now.
it couldn't have come at a worse time, we had sorted out all of our differences and overcome any flaws, our relationship is at it's peak, and now i've left, off to a different country for a year.
am i a bad person?
i feel like it.


but this is an adventure, not just for me but for us both. he'll have holidays, we'll grow stronger. 
times will get tough, that's inevitable, but i'll stay strong for him.
the man of my dreams.

what is love?

what is it? what is the definition?


love 
- noun
1.  a profoundly, tender, passionate affection for another person.
2.  a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection as for a parent, child, or friend.
3.  sexual passion or desire.


does this do it justice? how do you feel when you're in love?
surely there is no common definition and each person experiences it differently and perceives it with a different meaning. maybe very slightly different, but still different. 


so for me, what is love.
love is the feeling of belonging and the sharing of intimate moments. be it with a friend or with a boy, sharing special thoughts or having a special connection. all friendships are different, all relationships are different, but there is one important common denominator; love. 
i love my friends, i love my boyfriend, i love my brothers. i love them all differently so it's hard to define the word. 
the friend love, that's unique to each friend. they all make me smile and make me laugh, some more than others, some i have a closer bond with but i love each one of them. 
the boyfriend love, that's unreal. it's a feeling like i'm up in the clouds and i'm untouchable. nothing can hurt me when he's around, or even when he's not, he's still mine, the love is still there.
the brotherly love, they're both equal to me, my two big brothers. they both mean the world to me, but they are both so different, so does that make the love i have for each of them different?


i don't understand it all,
all i know is that with my boyfriend, i am in love. and i love it.

my soulmate.

i have a very special person in my life that i try not to involve in my blogs, but inevitably he is a part of my life so sometimes i can't help it. if you haven't guessed, this person is my man. my boyfriend. 
& this weekend is a special time for us too, as it's our 2 year 'anniversary', so i just wanted to write about my beautiful other half.


he makes me happy, he deserves a post. :-)
so i'm going to quickly tell you all a bit about us so you can understand..


we live about an hour apart, but we always try to see each other as often as we can. now i know i'm moving to france next week, we're trying to make the most of every minute we have together. it's so hard, knowing i'm leaving for a whole year. but we're growing together, getting happier & happier so i know that everything will work out for the best. it's going to be hard, i know that, but hopefully the fact i'll be busy all the time will help ease the pain.
he's just turned 30, wow. i'm 19. wow again.... on paper i know it looks terrible, but scroll down, see the photos... & he doesn't look it, does he!?


he makes me smile, he makes me laugh, sometimes he makes me sad but i can never stay mad. the happiness overrides each time, because i know that he is mine. times get hard and things get tough, but the love we share is always enough. we dance, we play and sometimes we fight, but i always know that he's Mr Right. 


i'm in love, and i love it.


here we are, Eddie & me. Eddie & Laurie, soulmates.

out of the ordinary.

your eyes aren't lying.

it is Kate Hudson.

& no, I can't believe it either.

it just kind of happened.

I was lucky enough to see Muse again this weekend at Wembley in London. I'd heard Kate Hudson was there (seeing as she's dating the lead singer, I wasn't surprised but was very excited). 'She's down there in the white vest top' my brother's girlfriend said, pointing to a blonde woman two rows in front of us. 'NO WAY IT'S ACTUALLY HER' I screamed into my boyfriend's ear during a song. 'She's putting her coat on', he said. 'come with me, quick.' I replied.

I ran down to the entrance to our block and she was walking towards me. I grabbed her hand & she said something to me, but caught up in the moment, I didn't quite catch it. I asked her to smile for a photo, and here it is.

It made my night.

Victorious.

The concert was amazing, I met one of my favourite Hollywood A-listers, what more could a girl possibly want? 

the day that changed the world.

tomorrow is Saturday. but tomorrow isn't just any Saturday. this Saturday is September the eleventh. tomorrow will mark the ninth year of the tragic terror attacks in New York City & Washington State. as i'm going to be busy tomorrow, i wanted to write a post on it tonight so that everybody is aware of the day.
it was a tragedy that changed the entire world. i remember where i was that day. i came home from one of my first days back at school, telling my mum how upset i was that my friend Maddy was moving back to her home in America the next day. mum was lying in her bed when i was telling her this, then we turned on the TV to watch neighbours, but it wasn't on. it was the news, telling us about the horrific events. i could hardly believe what i was seeing, the heartbreaking images coming from the city that we had visited only a week before. we'd spent a week of our summer holidays in New York City that year, and we got home on September 3rd 2001. it was so shocking, even to me, just a child at the time. but at 10 years old, i understood the extent of the tragedy. it was heartbreaking, and of course I was worrying about my friend that was due to fly to America the following day. but as we flicked through the channels, we saw that it had taken over every channel and normal TV was rightly interrupted. 


The day that changed the world. September 11th 2001. thousands of lives were lost and millions of families were torn apart. people were affected all over the world, both directly and indirectly. worlds were shattered that day and nine years on, worlds are still shattered. all those little children that lost their mummys and daddys, husbands who lost their wives and vice versa, parents who witnessed their children's death and the thousands who lost friends and relatives. these people have had to suffer and mourn the loss of loved ones because of a horrific terror attack. the lives that were taken will never be forgotten. to me, they are all heros. every single one of the lives that was lost, each one of them is a hero. i'm sure it's the same for the whole world. such innocent lives, taken so horrifically. 
nine years on, it is all running through my head with such vivid memories, almost like it only happened last week. the time has passed so quickly, but in that time, all those lives haven't been brought back. only the beautiful memories that their familes and friends shared live on. 
All of the lost lives will be forever remembered and the broken families will always be in our hearts, everywhere around the world, we are thinking of them. 


Please take one minute out of your day tomorrow, just sixty seconds, to remember the thousands of innocent lives that were taken on this day, 9 years ago. Not only the taken lives, but the lives that were ruined through injuries from the attacks and the heroes who helped during the devastating time that have been left with life-changing injuries and disabilities.


concrete jungle where dreams are made of, new york city.

and the way we all wish it still looked:

Rest in Peace all 2,977 of you.

girls just wanna have fun.

                                    my best friends make my world go round.

forever in our hearts.

not something I joined blogspot to write about, but sometimes talking about bad things can help.


one month ago today, a friend of mine lost her battle for life. she'd had a terrible accident whilst on holiday in spain with her friends after finishing her a levels. I had been in Paris for the week, praying each night that she'd wake up from the coma she was in and that she'd recover completely and still be able to fulfil her dreams of going to university. when our plane landed back home, i turned on my phone to check my messages, and of course, facebook. there it was, my worst nightmare. 'Rest in Peace sweetie xxx' I saw my best friend had written on her wall. the unimaginable had happened. i had to confirm this first so I scrolled down, and there were so many variations of the same message posted on  her wall. 
my heart actually stopped and i couldn't breathe. i couldn't speak. i couldn't get the words out to explain to my mum the hysterics i was in. 'she's died mum', was almost clear enough for her to make sense of. i couldn't believe what was happening. we were really close at school, although i was in the year above her. she often came to me for boy advice and always hugged me when she passed me anywhere at school. then when i went off to uni last september, we often sent each other updates for the first few weeks, but gradually we lost touch. i was heartbroken when i'd heard about her accident, but i didn't ever think i'd have to face the day of saying goodbye.
it's the hardest thing in the world, four times before i'd said it to each of my grandparents. but never in my life did i think i'd have to say goodbye to my friend. a flawless seventeen year old girl.


she was the most stunning girl, with so many talents. she was so academic and so athletic. she was so friendly and loving, she didn't have any enemies and never badmouthed anybody. in fact, she was so close to perfection it was untrue, so it was so hard for me and everybody else that knew her to understand just how such a flawless life could be taken from us so early.


although it really is such a tragedy and i think about her everyday, i am glad that she spent her short life in such constant happiness and love, she never experienced any real pain and was always having fun. she has such a special place in every single one of our hearts and her beautiful smile and unique personality will never ever be forgotten.


life is so precious; live every moment with a smile.
Rest in Peace Gracey. 

beauty

I am me. You need to be you. It's a hard one this, because we always see things in magazines, in the street and on the tv that we aspire to copy or imitate. But the thing is, you are beautiful. Everyone is beautiful in their own way: their own style, their own fashion, their own hairstyle. It all describes you, but more than that, it is these things that define you. It is who you are. Not who she is, but you. it's all you. Nobody else can be you, or me. We, together, need to embrace what we have; make the most of our uniqueness and individuality. It's important to remember that, because we are beautiful. Each of us: light skin or dark skin, blonde or brunette, rich or poor, tall or short. It is all beautiful, every single bit of it. Embrace it. Embrace your own beauty and maximise it, rather than trying to copy the models we see on the catwalks and in magazines. Celebrities always appear to be amazing, they have perfect hair and flawless skin, stunning dresses and gorgeous shoes. But we can be the same, we don't need lots of money to be like them, we just need individuality. That's one thing we all have, we are each unique and it is something that should be embraced. Everyday. I'm going to try, are you?

what defines beauty?

Be brave.

So I have finally done it, finally I have joined the world of blogging. I am a nineteen year old girl with big dreams of being a fashion journalist. I'm at university now, studying French & International Relations, and am going to spend a year in France this coming academic year. It's a big step. But I've finally made myself a blog; something I've been wanting to do for months.

Time has got ahead of me, the weeks and days all merge together. I feel like the years are passing too quickly and my life is running away from me. I can remember so vividly when I was worrying about my poor knees when I fell over and my spelling tests, now I am in the big wide world where my tutors post everything online rather  than holding my hand. It's a big step, feeling so independent, but I'd recommend it to you all. Every one of you. You need to learn sooner rather than later what is out there in the big wide world. Grazed knees don't matter anymore, it's the broken hearts and the failed exams. But no, we're optimists. We don't look at life that way, be happy. Always. And never be afraid. Never hold back on taking the next step, you never know what's around the corner.